पार्क

वक़्त शाम का ही रहता हमेशा

मुलाक़ात रोज़ होती, हो भले ही 5 मिनट!

हाल-चाल कभी एक दूसरे के पूछे हुए याद नहीं

बातें होती तो सिर्फ़ इधर उधर की, बेवजह सी

पार्क में बरगद के पेड़ के नीचे बैठ कर बतियाने का आनंद ही कुछ और हुआ करता

‘मिटली’ नाम की एक 10-11 साल की लड़की रोज़ उनकी ओर मुस्कुरा कर देखते हुए अपनी साइकल पर बग़ल वाली गली से गुज़रा करती

‘मंकु राम’ भी अपनी मिठायी की दुकान में बैठे बैठे दोनों को ग़ौर से देखा करता और मन ही मन अपनी जवानी के दिन याद कर के मुस्कुरा लिया करता

‘चम्पा देवी’ पार्क में ठीक शाम 7 बजे सैर करने निकलती और कम से कम 5 चक्कर लगाए बिना घर की ओर नहीं मुड़ती। जितनी बार भी वो उनके क़रीब से गुज़रती, अजीब सा चेहरा बना के फुर्ती से पाँव चलाने लगती और कुछ क़दम चल कर उन्हें फिर से मुड़ कर देखती।

इस्त्री करता हुआ ‘रामानन्द’ और उसका बेटा ‘बाला’ अपनी ही धुन में मग्न रहते कि बस अँधेरा होने से पहले काम ख़त्म कर के घर की ओर रवाना हों। इसलिए वो उन दोनों पर ज़्यादा ध्यान नहीं दे पाते।

‘अपेक्षा’ सैर करने के बहाने घर वालों से अपना फ़ोन छुपा कर पार्क में दौड़ी चली आती और कोने वाली बेंच पर बैठ कर अपने ख़ास मित्र से ख़ूब बतियाती। उसको ये भी बताती कि यहाँ आजकल लड़का-लड़की साथ बैठ कर आराम से बातें करते हैं और फ़रमाइश करती कि वो भी आए, उससे मिले।

‘चिंटू’ और उसकी अंडर 8 फ़ुट्बॉल टीम खेल का आनंद उठाते और कभी-कबार जान-बूझ कर बॉल उन दोनों की तरफ़ मारते। ख़ैर उनको बॉल तो वापिस मिल जाती मगर वो शैतान बच्चे ये शरारत फिर से करते, जब तक कि उनकी माताएँ उनको कान पकड़ के ले जाने नहीं आ जातीं।

मच्छरों की फ़ौज अब पार्क में हर जगह फैल जाती और वो दोनों बात करते करते उठ कर बिना ‘फिर मिलेंगे’ कहे अपने अपने घरों की ओर निकल जाते।

ये सिलसिला अगली शाम फिर जारी रहता

काफ़ी सालों बाद वो पार्क आज भी उनकी कमी महसूस करता है!

I am quitting Internet

Yes, the title says it right. It has been almost a decade with this little baby ‘Internet’ and I think its the time to leave it. It is going to be one of the hardest decisions in my life but I know that a lot is going to change. I feel myself trapped badly most of the times for a few months now. I can barely concentrate on my real life since I always find myself living my fake life. I can not just blame social media even if I want to! Internet, as a whole, has been an acute pain in my ass for a long time! Its not that I have not thought quitting it before but as I already mentioned, I am trapped badly!

Coming to the point now, I can not leave Internet wholly since I am a student and digital life sucks; assignments and research work require Google, thus cutting the option of quitting Internet for another year till I complete my studies!

Then there is Social Media! I can totally kick it off! Bye bye Instagram and Musical.ly. I can not leave Whatsapp since I am abroad and WhatsApp is the only means to make calls back home.

Youtube? Bye

Netflix? Bye

Facebook? Already left

Twitter? Never really liked and used

Snapchat? Never liked it

There is a lot in my way and it sucks that I can not quit Internet completely. But its a promise to myself, one day I will and that day my friend, is not too far!

No Words

i am left with no words.
there was a time when i thought of tattooing words on my body and i remember i was at the tattoo artist shop but something stopped me. no, it was not the fear!

happy though

now i understand that things in life happen for a reason

i am no more a logophile

i am left with no words.

Yesterday while I was coming back to my place after job, I was not me.
I was constantly talking to myself the whole journey and had absolutely no idea about what I was up to!
It has been ten days since I’ve started working for the very first time in my life. My job is enjoyable as there’s no work load since it’s my training period and all I’m supposed to do is learn new things and it’s easy for me because I’m really good at grasping things.
About people, I would say, my batchmates are good and helpful and I like everyone of them.
So, what happened to me yesterday! I was blabbering

Way To Nowhere

You took away with yourself
My smile
And every other spark in me
Watching you walk away was never easy
It was the toughest thing I ever did
Yet I didn’t stop you
I kept watching you until the way became clear on that road
Though it took years
That road is still intact
It is not travelled now
By anyone
No one entered since you disappeared
Though it’s full of life,
Resplendent
It attracts people but they avoid getting in
Maybe it’s that Warning Board that says – Way To Nowhere.

‘Rare’

Okay, so what is it?
This never ending wait kinda stuff that I’m stuck in!
No, actually ‘wait’ isn’t the apt word here. It’s more of something natural which my mind or don’t know some part of body; maybe heart; produces or makes or generates.

Sometimes I think that I’m completely OK being alone and feel the luckiest on the Earth to get a life which I’ve been living and everything which I’ve been through; bad and good times; lessons; experiences, etc and thank God a zillion times for the same and the other times; rare though; I feel stuck, trapped and totally blank about my life. I feel extremely low that I almost feel like vomiting out it all in one go!

A mental state like mine is very, very rare to find. I used the word ‘rare’ in the above sentence so as not to sound self obsessed about myself. I could have used the word ‘impossible’ in place of ‘rare’ but then it would have been a big example of self obsession. I mean I’ve met a thousand souls in my life and not even a single one is closer to what and who I am.

People are normal, I’m not. I’m a weirdly abnormal version of people which is rarely found. Again used ‘rarely’ for the same purpose as mentioned above.
So ‘rare’ says that there are a few souls like me on the Earth whom I haven’t met yet. I don’t wish to meet someone as exactly as I am because then I’d probably die or something of shock. I’m just lookin’ for someone who can understand me 99% and who’s almost 60% like me. See, 60% is not much I’m asking for!
Understanding is a bit difficult task though!

Being hell positive and in the search of ‘rare’ , I’ve been rejecting bad souls for so long and this thing drives me crazy sometimes!

When will this stop?
Will I ever come to meet the ‘rare’? Or ‘rare’ is nothing but an illusion?
Hahhh! Don’t know! Being positive though, since forever! 😎

I found a diary!

I was walking alone on the road in the evening. It was almost dark everywhere around.
Road lights were there but few.
The road wasn’t much crowded.
Weather was getting stormy.
I was on my way back to evening walk.
I was almost about to leave that road and enter in the street to my place that at the roadside I found a piece of paper, it was blank, it was torn out from the sides and was dirty in appearance.
The road light was blurred.
I couldn’t see if there was an another piece of paper too or maybe some other stuff too.
Meanwhile I felt something beneath my feet. It was a hard, not so hard thing. It was a diary in the same torn out condition as of the piece of paper I just found.
I picked it up. It was hard to manage the pages because it seemed like each and every page wanted to get detach from the diary, as if they no longer wanted to bear the pain, the ignorance. They were crying. Yes, the pages were crying bad, the blue ink spread in the parts of the pages was their tears.
I was shocked. How on the Earth could I find someone’s diary on the road and pick it up like a thief! Arrrghhh
I opened the first page but i couldn’t find any info about the owner of that diary except “DON’T READ IT” written in bold letters.
I got scared.
My heart started beating fast as I stared those words for long, in shock and fear.
I put the diary aside, thought for a while and re opened the pages.
Nothing, no words. All I could see was the spreaded blue ink.
The last page took my breath away. I saw the date written on the last page. 15 march, 1997. Its my birthdate. A year before I was born. Was that a mere coincidence! Fuck, how could it be!
I put the diary. I was in utter shock. I could not sleep whole night. It was a sign. I knew. A frightening one. I couldn’t understand. I will never.

Art.

Art. We all have it in us.
Some are lucky to show it and some want to show it to the world but are afraid; not because they think they aren’t much good at it but because they just can not give it a start. They think about it and forget. That’s it.

Surroundings; matter a lot.

Okay lemme explain it in two simple steps.
I’m sure you’ll like it as in my perception, everybody is an artist and majority falls in the category of not even knowing about it.

This be the first step.
Artists need to listen and believe what people say about their art even if they think themselves to be bad at it. Remember, appreciation means a lot.
For instance- I sing. I’m not a singer I would say but I sing and I am good at it. Okay, how came I know? People, friends, relatives, et cetera. They kept telling me about it and would appreciate often. They helped me to know about it. I just surrounded myself with ’em at some point in my life and got to know about the art in me.
It has been a decade since I know that I can sing well but I am where I was a decade back; exactly at same state of mind where we know about a certain thing but don’t actually think or do something about it because we need push yet never search for it.
These people played the role of appreciators. They weren’t supporters. Appreciation was the start. To carry on the whole thing, one needs supporter.

This brings me towards the second step.
Artists who knows very well about the art they possess and that they are quite good at it needs to surround themselves with a group of artists; the ones who are related with their form of art.
This thing acts like fire.
You start to grow.
You start to know more about the art in you and how to improve it.
You can do anything and be anything you wanna be if the people who have the same goals and are as determined and passionate towards achieving ’em as you are; are with you throughout the whole journey.
Only lucky ones are blessed with this thing. Rest have to earn it.
I know that our surroundings are not always in favour of us but you need to explore if you have that fire in you. There are many like you. Find ’em. Carry on that journey with ’em.
Shine brighter.
Earn it.  
It might take years but it’s never too late.

P.s. Met an artist today. Exchanged thoughts. It was great. May this helps you a lil’ ☺

I don’t miss anything.

Longing for home, wait for holidays, happiness of being home; I’ve rarely felt any of these in twenty years of my life!

I remember the day and that moment when my parents were going back after leaving me in the hostel when I started my college life.
They were in half-cry mode.
I was feeling blank.
Deep down I felt a little sad; only for that moment; the separating one but after they left, I was okay. I turned back and started walking to my room. Meanwhile I felt like crying because I knew I would be going to miss ’em, miss my home, miss my old life and these nostalgic feelings got out of control when I opened the door’s lock of my room and sat quiet for like hours, watching the railway track, trees and the vast empty area in the view; buildings kilometers away and no person.
Such an empty view!
I was really feeling hollow and then the rain added up more to the sadness and the missing moments.
I cried, like a little and called my parents. “Take me home, mom, this place is scary, empty and what not.” They handled me, as always. I cut the call and the sadness got a lil’ aside as I met other girls in my hostel.
I seriously don’t remember any other day before and after this one that I missed my home or felt longing for it.
I adjusted easily. I was the happiest there. There were my friends who would cry missing their home and many were suffering from homesickness but I never felt the longing or even a lil’ ‘missing home’ feeling.
I’ve been like this since then.
Like I don’t feel like going home even at the festivals ! This is absurd, my friends say. I don’t agree with ’em much.

I might sound like I hate my home or parents but it’s really not like that.
I talk to ’em , I share things with ’em and they are the world’s most understanding parents.
Believe me, they are. I respect ’em a lot. They never force me for anything and not even expect much. They believe me. They know or can say they have this trust on me that I’ll never let ’em down and I won’t; for this reason that I respect ’em a lil’ more than I love ’em.
But I don’t miss my home. No, it isn’t like I don’t miss only my home; I don’t miss anything that’s gone. Okay, I admit, I don’t miss anything.
I be like over satisfied and happy with the present. I love every moment of life and I guess while loving every moment of life I don’t get time to miss anything. I know this was a weird reason but I didn’t get any better.
Sometimes I show on social networking sites by posting stuff like I wanna go home and bla bla but the reality is that I DO NOT FEEL LIKE.
I feel longing for nothing. Its not only the home.

Have been writing on it because holidays are coming and I’m not going home. My parents know! They have been insisting much for few days but I have no answer!